How to Be Happy and Know Yourself: Discovering My Why
- Jerod Foos
- Feb 16
- 7 min read
"If you have a strong purpose in life, you don't have to be pushed. Your passion will drive you there." – Roy T. Bennett
The Myth of "Having It All": Why Traditional Success Doesn't Guarantee Happiness
Jen had it all. Corner office. Six-figure salary. Designer suits. She ticked all the boxes. The American Dream, right?
Wrong. Inside, she felt hollow. Disconnected. Like she was living someone else's life.
Her story isn't unique. It's the story of chasing a pre-packaged version of success. Society shoves this narrative down our throats. From childhood, we're told what to strive for. We work our asses off. We achieve the goals.
Then, bam—emptiness. No joy. No fulfillment.
Think Serena Williams. On the surface, it's the ultimate triumph. Tennis domination. Global icon. A secure legacy. But look closer. There's another layer. Intense pressure. Relentless drive. Instilled from a young age. Her father pushed her relentlessly. He demanded she be the best. At any cost. (Remember King Richard with Will Smith? That wasn't just a movie.)
Serena's success is undeniable. But it also reveals the dark side. The "win at all costs" mentality. The question lingers: When does chasing external validation become a betrayal of your true self?
"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." – Winston Churchill
Jen and Serena, different lives, same story. Chasing external success often leads to internal emptiness.
True success isn't about what you achieve. It's about why. It's about aligning your actions with your deepest values. The things that give your life real meaning.
Archetypes: Ancient Clues to Your Inner Self (and Your "Why")
Carl Jung, that slightly bonkers Swiss psychologist, had this idea.
He said we all have these universal patterns of human behavior rattling around in our heads. He called them "archetypes."
Think of them like the stock characters in every story ever told. The Hero, the Mother, the Trickster, the Lover, the Warrior, the Creator—they're all in there. They're like the original influencers.
These archetypes aren't just some abstract philosophical mumbo-jumbo. They're real. They're the driving forces behind our actions, even when we don't realize it.
They're the hidden scripts that play out in our lives. They shape our choices, our desires, and our whole damn worldview.
They're the "why" behind so much of what we do.
Humans have been telling stories for millennia. It's how we make sense of the world. It's how we connect with each other. And guess what? These stories are packed with archetypes. The brave knight slaying the dragon? That's the Hero, baby.
The nurturing mother cradling her child? Mother archetype, duh. Think Raphael's "Sistine Madonna," Michelangelo's "Pietà" at the Vatican, and Leonardo da Vinci's "Madonna Litta"
These figures resonate with us on a deeper level. Because they tap into something primal within the human psyche. They represent universal experiences. Love, loss, fear, courage—the stuff that makes us human. They connect to our deepest values and motivations.
Jung believed these archetypes aren't just in the stories we tell; they're also in us.
They're like the software running in the background of our brains. They influence how we think, feel, and act. They're the blueprints for human behavior, passed down through generations. They're the source of our deepest "why."
Think about it: you tell yourself stories about your life, right?
You're the hero of your own narrative (or at least you try to be). You face challenges; you make choices, and you try to conquer your inner demons (and maybe some actual demons, who knows?).
The stories we tell ourselves about who we are and what we're capable of. They are Influenced by the archetypes that resonate most strongly within us.
Maybe you're drawn to the Hero archetype. Always itching to prove yourself, overcome obstacles, and embark on a quest. Or maybe you're the Creator archetype, driven by an insatiable need to build something new. To leave your mark on the world.
Or perhaps you're the Caregiver, finding meaning in helping others, in making the world a slightly less shitty place. There's no right or wrong answer. It's just about understanding your own inner cast of characters. It's about understanding your own "why."
Just like George Lucas used archetypes to create Star Wars. (Luke Skywalker as the Hero, Darth Vader as the Shadow, Princess Leia as the Warrior—come on, you know this stuff).
These ancient patterns of human behavior shape the stories we tell ourselves about who we are.
They're the underlying narratives that drive our lives. They're the reason we do the things we do.
And understanding them?
Well, that's the first step to writing a better story for yourself. A story where you're not just a character, but the damn author. A story where you find "my why."
Principles vs. Values: The Foundation of Authentic Happiness
Let's be clear: principles and values are not the same thing.
It's a common misconception, and it's important to understand the difference. Principles are the "how"—the rules that guide your actions. Values are the "why"—the underlying beliefs that motivate you.
Take honesty, for example. It can be both.
"Always tell the truth, no matter what" is a principle. "Being honest because it's essential to my sense of integrity" is a value. The distinction is crucial. If you don't understand the "why," you're just following rules blindly.
And that's not a fulfilling way to live.
Your Personal Boundary: The Power of Principles
Your principles define your boundaries. They're the lines you draw for yourself, the things you refuse to compromise. They are essential for protecting your integrity and self-respect.
Without clear principles, you become vulnerable. You're susceptible to external pressures, societal expectations, and the temptations of instant gratification. You risk living a life that isn't truly yours, a life built on shaky foundations.
From Rules to Values to Action (Because Words Are Just Words)
Your principles, values, and behaviors are all interconnected. They form the foundation of your character, the compass that guides your decisions, and the actions that define your life.
Principles: How you act.
Values: Why you act.
Behaviors: What you actually do.
Knowing your values is important, but it's not enough. You have to live them. Words are just words.
It's your actions that count.
Finding Your "Why": A Journey Inward (And It's Not Always Easy)
Discovering your values isn't a quick or easy process. It requires introspection, honesty, and a willingness to confront the parts of yourself you might not like. It can be messy and uncomfortable.
Ask yourself the difficult questions. What truly matters to you? What are you willing to fight for? What kind of person do you want to be?
Don't search for the "right" answers. Search for your answers.
The Gap: Bridging the Distance to Your Ideal Self
Once you've clarified your values, it's time for some self-reflection. It's time to assess where you are now compared to where you want to be. This is the Gap Analysis.
It's about honestly evaluating the distance between your current reality and your ideal self—the person you could be if you were living in full alignment with your values. It's about identifying where you're falling short and determining what steps you need to take to close the gap.
Purpose: The Driving Force Behind Sustainable Change
"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why." – Mark Twain
Motivation is fleeting. It comes and goes. But purpose is different. Purpose is the long-term commitment you make to yourself. It's the "why" that sustains you when motivation wanes.
It's the engine that drives lasting change.
For years, I've been fascinated by this connection between purpose, passion, and habits. I've researched them. I've experimented with them. I've worked to understand how they connect. How they help us live fulfilling lives.
When you connect your habits to your purpose, something powerful happens. They become less of a chore and more of an expression of who you are. They become a way of living your values, of moving closer to your ideal self.
This exploration of purpose, passion, and the power of habits has led me to create something I'm incredibly excited about: Rocket Habits: Micro Moves, Mega Impact. You've probably read books like Atomic Habits and understand the importance of individual habits.
Rocket Habits takes that knowledge to the next level. It's a deeper dive into meta-habits—the keystone habits and systems that support all your other habits. It shows how to build these meaningful meta-habits, connecting your "why"—your purpose—to the "how"—your daily actions. It helps you create a personal system that truly reflects you and your goals.
Serena's drive was more than winning. It was deeper. It was about pushing limits. It was about excellence. It was about inspiring others. That's purpose. It fueled her greatness.
It can fuel you. But you need to know how. Rocket Habits shows you. It links your "why" to your daily "how." This connection is key.
Most people miss it.
They build habits on shaky ground. They don't know why they do what they do. It's like a rocket without fuel. It won't go anywhere.
Rocket Habits is your fuel. It gives you the tools you need. It ignites your transformation. It makes your habits reflect your purpose. You'll find more than success. You'll find fulfillment. As a thank you for being part of the Rugged Human community, I'm doing something special.
Rocket Habits is being released first to you, before it goes live on Amazon. This is a limited release, so keep an eye out for details on how to get your copy. Inside, you'll find practical steps and exercises to build a system that works for you."
So, What Now? (Because You're Not Getting Off That Easy)
You won't find your purpose scrolling through Facebook or TikTok. It takes work.
Real introspection. Facing the messy parts of yourself. But it is there. Waiting. Stop chasing the success society tells you to want. Start caring about what actually matters to you.
When you find it, hold on tight. It's your life's compass. Let it guide you. Let it fuel you. Let it unleash the badass you were always meant to be. Let it be your "why."
This journey—this quest for purpose—is what we're all about here. It's about understanding your values. It's about aligning your actions with your deepest beliefs. It's about bridging the gap between who you are and who you could be.
It's not always easy. It takes courage. It takes vulnerability. But it's the most important work you'll ever do. Because when you live a life that's true to yourself, a life driven by purpose, that's when the real magic happens.
That's when you discover what true success really means. It's not about the accolades or the possessions. It's about the feeling of deep, unwavering alignment. It's about knowing you're living a life that matters.
To you.
This is a journey we're all on. A journey of constant growth and self-discovery. And it's a journey worth taking. Because the destination—a life lived on your own terms—is more valuable than anything you could ever achieve by chasing someone else's definition of success.
Until next time,
Jerod
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