5 Thoughts That Will Change Your Life
What do you want?
6 pack abs? More money? True love? The perfect life?
How many ads do we see on TV or social media that promise our perfection? Google and Amazon have it down to a science, showing you what you want when you want it.
It's getting a little spooky too. It's almost like they're reading your mind.
Has this happened to you? You ask Google or Alexa if porcupines are born with quills or if they grow later.
Admit it, you were curious, right? You wanted to know if porcupines are born with quills or if they grow them later.
Then, out of the blue, you get five ads on your Facebook for porcupine stuffed animals.
But here's the thing.
Just promises. Unicorns spitting Skittles, as a friend of mine likes to say.
More so now, with the political pendulum swinging like a hammer. It bashes anything that looks like a nail.
We get pulled into the vortex of the rhetoric.
That’s not how real life works.
It's not just politics or advertisements. It's also the feel-good self-help promises of change that deliver nothing.
When we were young, we thought most things on the Internet must be true. Over time, we learned not to believe everything we read.
Now, we have to double-check our eyes and ears too. Video clips are taken out of context. Deep fake AI makes fictional, realistic videos of talking heads.
Technology is excellent in many ways. But we must learn to filter what it spits out.
Stop chasing this endless cycle of false positivity. Stop thinking because it's in someone's Facebook feed, it's true.
I have a new thought. A new approach. Let's call it rugged self-help for lack of a better term.
It sounds cool too.
Rugged self-help is about facing reality head-on.
Life is tough, and striving for perpetual happiness is a losing game. Instead of setting lofty, shiny goals, you accept the struggle.
Stop pretending everything needs to be perfect. Find meaning in the grit and the pain.
Forget about dumping your cash on rainbow-flavored self-help programs. Forget the endless affirmations.
Forget about unicorns spitting Skittles.
Real growth comes from acknowledging the hard truths.
And finding satisfaction in navigating them.
The Five Core Ideas
1. Humans Are Flawed by Design
Ads say you need stuff to be perfect. News says the world is ending soon. Self-help says you're amazing.
None of this is true.
Rugged self-help?
It says humans default to our ego. We are biased, selfish, and wired for survival, not greatness.
Research shows that humans always distort our perceptions and judgments.
We overestimate our importance.
We rationalize bad behavior and suck at predicting our future happiness. The sinister power of rationalization is a pervasive force in human behavior.
We rationalize when faced with the temptation to lie, cheat, or steal. Our minds construct reasons that absolve us of guilt.
We convince ourselves that our actions are justified. Or necessary. Or merely a harmless transgression.
This ability to rationalize our actions helps maintain our self-image. It is a survival mechanism—an instinct. We avoid the uncomfortable consequences of acknowledging our flaws.
Rationalization blinds us to the ethical implications of our actions. It enables us to engage in harmful behavior with a clear conscience.
Here's the Science:
Confirmation bias: People seek information confirming their beliefs while disregarding information contradicting them. Thinking, Fast and Slow. Farrar, Straus and Giroux.
Self-serving bias: People attribute their success to their abilities and blame failures on external factors. The Lake Wobegon effect. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
Hindsight bias: People believe they could have predicted an event after it occurred. The "I knew it all along" phenomenon. Journal of Experimental Psychology: Human Perception and Performance.
We’re not special—just survivors in a world that doesn’t owe us anything.
Real growth isn’t about believing in your inherent greatness. It’s about recognizing your weaknesses and working on them.
True greatness happens when you rise above your own nature. Act with reason, empathy, and objectivity.
But we don't do this naturally—it’s against our instincts.
And that’s precisely why we need to do it.
2. Pain Is Inevitable—Suffering Is Optional
Pain is a constant in life. You can’t avoid it.
It's an inescapable part of the human experience. Pain is always a part of our lives.
It's a universal truth that no one can avoid.
Whether it’s heartbreak, failure, or just a bad day, it’s coming.
But it's not about the pain—it’s the meaning you attach to it.
Suffering is a catalyst for growth; it forces us to change and evolve.-Norman Vincent Peale
We suffer when we take pain personally. When we see it as an attack on our worth.
The key lies in how we interpret and respond to pain. We instinctively associate pain with suffering.
We see it as punishment or a sign of personal failure.
Research tells us humans are prone to dissatisfaction. However, external factors like possessions or achievements have a limited impact on well-being.
The idea that humans are inherently dissatisfied is not new.
Imagine winning the lottery. The prospect of newfound wealth brings visions of luxury, freedom, and endless possibilities.
You buy your dream house in Malibu. You hire a butler.
You race down the Ventura Highway in your sleek new Maserati. You are on top of the world.
Then you wake up one day and realize. It's still life as usual.
You still need a better relationship. You still wonder what the meaning of life is. You still wish you had six-pack abs.
You still go back to the same level of happiness and fulfillment.
This is the "hedonic treadmill". Our human tendency is to adapt to changes in our circumstances.
The Hedonic Treadmill was a study of lottery winners and accident victims. It followed the reactions to sudden changes in life circumstances.
Lottery winners reported higher levels of happiness immediately after winning. Accident victims reported lower levels of happiness immediately after their accidents.
Over time, both groups adapted to their new circumstances. Lottery winners became less happy, and accident victims became more happy.
The hedonic treadmill is like a hamster wheel. No matter how fast we run or how high we climb, we find ourselves back at the starting point.
Our brains are wired to seek out novelty and excitement. We get used to a certain level of pleasure or satisfaction. It becomes less impactful, and we crave something more.
But this perspective needs to be revised.
The advertising and self-help industries get rich by inserting themselves into our hedonic treadmill.
Elaborate promises. "The ultimate secrets of life!" “Achieve your dreams in 30 minutes, guaranteed!”
Not real. But we want to believe. We want to think this is possible.
The truth is, though, that even if those promises did come true, you would still be back where you were.
Rugged self-help accepts our reality. It works with it rather than against it.
We can't control the pain, but we can choose its meaning. The meaning we assign to pain determines whether we suffer.
So how do we do that?
First, we accept it.
Reframe it. See pain as a chance to grow. Be grateful.
Focus on the good things in your life. Do things that give your life meaning.
The moment you stop trying to escape pain is the moment you start using it to grow.
3. The Stories You Tell Change Your Life
Every belief you hold will fail you at some point.
That’s not pessimism—that’s reality.
The stories you tell yourself to navigate pain are temporary. When they stop working, you need new stories, new meaning.
Holding onto beliefs that no longer serve you keeps you stuck. We grow by shedding old beliefs and creating new ones.
Our beliefs shape our reality, but they're not fixed.
When they fail, we must adapt. This is painful but necessary for growth.
Tell yourself a new story.
When I was seven, my parents split. My mother took us to Mexico to stretch the little money we had further.
During the long drive from Connecticut to Mexico, my little brother and I told stories. Fantastical tales of flying cars. Particularly a miniature Porsche with rocket boosters.
We imagined soaring above the landscapes we were passing. We performed daring dives and flew high into the sky.
These stories allowed us to cope with the reality of our cross-country road trip in an old Toyota truck. Moving from motel to motel as we wound down the eastern seaboard.
We even named that truck. Nessa.
The stories we tell ourselves shape our beliefs. But as we grow, our beliefs can change.
I don't tell myself that story anymore. I don't need to tell myself that story anymore.
Because it served its purpose.
Reflect on your beliefs, and shed those that no longer serve you.
That is where growth happens.
4. You Don’t Deserve Anything Until You Have Become Ready
The notion that we "deserve" happiness, success, or any particular outcome is a dangerous illusion.
It's a trap that can lead to feelings of entitlement, resentment, and disappointment.
The reality is that life doesn't owe us anything.
We must earn our way through hard work, perseverance, and a willingness to confront challenges.
Positive self-help often reinforces the idea of entitlement. It promises quick fixes and effortless success.
This is a flawed approach.
True growth and fulfillment come from overcoming. Growth is about obstacles, mistakes, and responsibility for our lives.
Rugged self-help tells us a new story.
It tells us that we are not entitled to anything. We can build something meaningful through our efforts.
By confronting our struggles and embracing the challenges, we develop skills. We develop resilience.
We gain the wisdom necessary to achieve our goals.
The idea that you have a "right" to happiness or success is a way to dodge responsibility.
Life isn’t about deserving. It’s about earning—earning wisdom through experience. Earning growth through hardship.
Positive self-help teaches entitlement. Rugged self-help teaches growth.
You don’t deserve anything.
But you can build something meaningful by confronting your struggles head-on.
5. Life is Short—Make It Mean Something.
Here’s the truth: everything you love will one day be gone.
It’s the hardest lesson of life. But it’s also the most important one.
The finite nature of life is what gives it value.
Immortality would strip away meaning. Knowing time is short forces you to focus on the essentials.
I went through a big Rush (the rock band) phase as a kid—still one of my favorite bands. Neil Peart, their drummer and lyricist, passed away not too long ago (RIP).
His lyrics are his legacy. They explore thought-provoking philosophical themes.
One song, “Xanadu.” is a tale of a man's relentless pursuit of immortality. And the ultimate futility of such a quest.
An explorer heads out to find Xanadu, a mythical place of eternal bliss "decreed by Kubla Khan." This line is an homage to a poem by Samuel Taylor Coleridge.
Despite challenges and sacrifices, he claws his way to Xanadu. He finds himself trapped in a timeless existence devoid of meaning or purpose. Over time, he goes insane.
He gets cut off from life. From people. He gains immortality but loses everything that makes him human in the process.
Loss is painful, but it’s also a reminder to live every moment. We must focus on the things and people that make life worth living.
I've been through the fire, I've walked through the flame. I've felt the pain, but I've still got a name.-Melissa Etheridge
Stop running from pain and start using it. Stop thinking you deserve happiness and start creating it.
This isn’t easy, but it’s real.
And it is the truth.
Conclusion
Life isn’t about wallowing in negativity. It's about finding strength in the reality of hardships.
It’s about being human.
Pain is unavoidable, and loss is inevitable. We must accept that.
Otherwise, we set ourselves up for eternal failure and misery.
Because it's not about being perfect.
It’s about being clear-minded. It's about owning your flaws. Getting a little better each day.
It's about progress.
Instead of letting these truths bring you down, use them to build a meaningful life.
This approach doesn’t promise you happiness or success. It promises you something better.
The tools to face reality with resilience. To find meaning in the struggle and to grow through the challenges life throws your way.
Stop chasing perfection. Start embracing the human, imperfect journey ahead.
Until next time,
Jerod
P.S.- If you want to learn more about getting more happiness and success in your life, my Prosperity Path course might be for you.
It's a practical, no-nonsense approach. Kinda like the rugged self-selp we've been talking about in this letter.
It helps define and transform who you are. Sometimes, we all need a little nudge.
You can read more about it here.
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